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Booze, Sex, and the Golden Rule

Dating advice from Loveawake dating site expert Alex Wise breaks down when to go for the gusto and when to hold back, both in booze and bed.

Let’s talk alcohol consumption. How much is too much?

Don’t get too drunk at a bar. We’ve all had the experience of randomly meeting and attracting a super hot girl at a bar when we were totally smashed but we all know this was an anomaly. Most of us do much better, and succeed in a much more predictable manner, when we drink enough to feel a little looser than normal but when we’re still sober enough to retain a keen sense of what’s going on around us.  Getting too drunk will lead you to make all sorts of amateur hour mistakes in your seduction efforts, the not least of which is the mistake of rationalizing going home with someone you don’t actually want in your life, not even for a night.

Everyone’s tolerance is different but we all know when we’ve crossed the line from buzzed to drunk. Stay buzzed, avoid drunk.

Home on the first night? Do you think that is an immediate disqualifier for both parties?

If you meet someone you really like and who really likes you and if the two of you are really hitting it off then there’s no reason you shouldn’t go home on the first night. At least, there’s no easily predictable reason why you shouldn’t go home with someone the night you meet them.

The stigmas against going home with someone on the first date are generally nonsense.

There’s the stigma that somehow going home with someone on the first date is a one-way ticket towards catching an STI. This is an ignorant point of view. If you wear protection then you’re no more likely to catch an STI from someone if you sleep with them the first night you meet them than if you wait three months. STI’s don’t have slut-shaming archaic-moralizing prejudices. You can catch an STI from a girl who has only had sex with one person and makes you wait until marriage and you can catch an STI from a girl who brings home a new guy every month. Always take personal responsibility for your own sexual health and this concern is unfounded.

We also have the cultural stigma if you go home with someone the first night you meet them you doom the chances of having any sort of meaningful connection with that person. First of all, this isn’t an issue if you and your woman aren’t looking for a meaningful connection. Second of all, there’s no set formula for establishing a meaningful connection. Plenty of meaningful relationships grow out of one-night-stands, just as plenty of failed relationships grow out of misguided notions of “waiting.”

In fact, consider the following- do you have a better chance of developing a meaningful connection with a girl whom you go home with and wake up with or with a girl who gives you her number than goes home without you? Going home with a girl is a much more solid foot in the door toward being a memorable encounter in her life than exchanging numbers, which a girl may do a half dozen times a night.

Going home with a girl you just met won’t kill your chances of having any sort of future together. In fact, going home with a girl might increase the chances of sharing a future together.

What is the most anyone should expect from a night on the town? Because isn’t it only about managing expectations?

The only thing you should ever expect from a night out on the town, whether you’re going out with your buddies to meet girls or going out with a woman on a date, is to have a good time sharing experiences with people who contribute positively to your life. That is the only expectation you should ever hold when you hit the town. Any other expectation amounts to gambling. And gambling’s for suckers.

Any GOLDEN rules to follow?

Make all your decisions based on what will make you happy and not what you assume will make the people around you happy, whether those people are your buddies or some girl you’ve been talking to the last half hour.

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